


Masks

by Misscalculated



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Izuo - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 20:58:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17231093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misscalculated/pseuds/Misscalculated
Summary: I wanted to get inside Shizuo's head when i wrote this, so that's the way i'd suggest reading it, as if you're him. He's not a man of many words but he's smarter than he looks. I've read a few Izuo stories and most of them involved drugs or torture. I wanted to show that Shizuo is capable of having feelings of his own.





	Masks

After a shitty morning at work, the first thing i wanted was a smoke and a break to get my mind back on task. I already launched one guy this morning and i hate violence but this is my job and i don’t want to let Tom down. I wouldn’t mind but i ended up ripping one of the shirts that Kasuka gave me and that really pissed me off. This temper. It’s a curse. As I sat there smiling at some sparrows arguing over a piece of bread i felt a tap on my shoulder. I was ready to drag whoever it was over my shoulder and punch their lights out until I realized it was Celty. Who else greets me silently? “Ah, sorry Celty. I had a bad morning and i’m just trying to relax a bit before i go back.” Celty waved her hands at me to calm me.[It’s ok, Shizuo, you don’t have to apologise.] I felt like shit though. Who does this to their friends? [I’m here to invite you to a Christmas party tonight at our’s. Will you come? It starts at 8. You don’t have to bring anything, just yourself.]I sat and thought about all the others i’d been to and they were good but the one thing that spoiled it for me was Izaya being there.”I’d love to, Celty but if the Flea is there it’s gonna be a bit uncomfortable, I might kill him. I know Shinra is his friend though so I guess it can’t be helped.” Celty looked like she was thinking and i knew she was going to try to persuade me and i also knew that i’d give in if it was for her because she is, after all, my best friend. [Shizuo.] Here goes. [Will you come to the party, for me?] There it is. I closed my eyes and sighed. “Yea, yea of course i’ll come if it’s for you, Celty.” I smiled lopsidedly at her, letting her know that i’m not angry at her. [Thank you, Shizuo, it wouldn’t be the same without you.] Was that a blush on Celty’s black mist. I swear i can see things in it sometimes. I feel awkward when people compliment me and i just ended up scratching the back of my head. “Haha, thanks,Celty. See you later then.”

I extinguish my cigarette and dropped it into a nearby bin. Time to go back to work. Now where was i meant to meet Tom? I have my hands in my pockets staring down at nothing in particular when i see a black flash out of the corner of my eye. Oh great, he’s been here watching me again. I’m gonna try and stay calm because I don’t want to trash this nice place here. But, it makes me angry to think I can’t have a private conversation without him listening in. Shit, I can feel my breathing getting too fast now and my muscles stiffening. Shit, why does he do this to me? “Shit, shit, shit, shit!” I realised after i’d said shit for the fourth time that it had been out loud and people around me are beginning to scatter. Great. I can’t stop this, it’s like an automatic reaction in my body like shaking when you get anxious. I’ve gotta get away from here. I marched off in the direction of my next meeting with Tom, hoping that the brisk walk will help to get rid of some of the building anger but there’s no end to it. I have to release it somehow. The Flea. He’s a piece of shit and he knows how to trigger this reaction, every damn time! I see Tom in the distance waving to me so I quicken my pace and join him as we walk to our next job. My temper doesn’t get the chance to calm down because the snivelling little shit in our next job only provokes me more. I wave Tom and Vorona off afterwards and head home. Tom’s been really understanding of my condition. Can it be called a condition? I pass a shop and decide to get a quick bite to eat before the party. Celty never mentioned food but there’s always a good spread at Shinra’s parties.

Ah, there it is again. The black flash. Maybe I should rename him ‘the black flash’ kinda sounds like a superhero name though and he is not a superhero. Shitty Flea.What does he hope to gain by following me around all day long? Anyone would think he’s got a crush on me. Haha! Yea right. Wait, am I onto something here? I remember someone once telling me that teasing is a sign that someone has a crush on you and they don’t know how else to express themselves. Yea, but that was about school kids but I guess that Izaya never really grew up. He’s always skipping round in his shitty flea coat with his cocky little flea eyes that mock you and make you feel...how do they make me feel? Wait, that’s not what direction i want my mind to go in! Then there’s that mouth. That smart little mouth that quirks up at the corner, inviting me to bite it. I need to get a shower before I go to Shinra’s. Preferably cold because this is not how I feel about that piece of shit. Wait a second. The fact that i’m even seeing Izaya must mean that i’m looking for him. Is it subconscious? Or do I deliberately go looking for him and if that’s the case does it mean that I have feelings for him too? Shit!

I’m looking through my wardrobe wondering what i have to wear that isn’t like the clothes I go out in every day. I guess I have these dark jeans and ha, a Christmas jumper that Kasuka bought me last year. I smile thinking about how stupid I felt wearing it but I did it for Kasuka, he’s my brother and he means a lot to me. Well, it’s only once a year so i’ll go with it. I have to say, looking in my wardrobe mirror, I don’t think I can see any attractive qualities. I can never buy clothes that fit me right and the sleeves are always too short. I used to get a lot of girls interested in dating me but over the years it sorta tailed off. Probably Izaya's fault. I never really thought about it before but I don’t feel attracted to anyone in particular, girls or guys. I just don’t see myself as dateable material. I mean, look at me. I’m tall and skinny and bad tempered. I smile at myself in the mirror which freaks even me out a bit. Hmm, I better get going. Cigarettes? check. Keys? check. Stupid Christmas jumper? Hmm.

I hope as I knock on the door that Izaya fell off a roof on his way here and broke his legs. Does he even take the conventional route to go anywhere? I guess i’ll add that to our witty small talk. I don’t really want to kill him, not tonight at Shinra and Celty’s. So i’m willing to postpone it until another day. Celty answers the door and throws her arms around my neck before ushering me into the main room. Wow, it’s standing room only in here, except for one corner. I stand on my tiptoes to see why and regret it immediately. So he didn’t break his legs on the way here. Why does he look so lonely and awkward sat there on his own? As if he’s heard my thoughts which is always a bit unnerving, he turns his head and those eyes are directed straight at me. “Ahh! Shizu-chan! You came!” What the hell, Flea? Ok, stay calm, smile and ignore the stupid names he’s gonna call you. It isn’t like i’ve not heard them all before. Maybe I should treat this all like some sort of training exercise to make me a calmer person, grr. “Come and sit over here by me, Shizu-chan! Oh but get yourself a drink first. Maybe you should bring a bottle over, you probably won’t even feel the effects of one drink, haha!” I’ve got my hand on my face because i can feel my eyebrow twitching and it’s usually all downhill from there. I feel a tap on my shoulder and swivel round to find the Ryuugamine boy weighing me up. “Hey, Mikado, isn’t it? I didn’t expect to see you here. I hope you’re not drinking alcohol.” He looks shit scared. I didn’t mean to sound scary. “N-no i’m not drinking. I just wanted to say hello.” Ahh shit, i’ve scared him. “No worries, Mikado and hello back at you. I wasn’t trying to scare you by the way.” Ah, that's better he's smiling now. “Its ok, Shizuo, can I call you that?” He quaking in his boots again. “Yea, call me what you want. The flea does.” That got a laugh out of him. “Shizu-chan!” I give Mikado an apologetic shake of my head and turned back to the brat in the corner. What am I going to do with him? “Give me a minute, Izaya. I just need to say hi to Shinra and get a drink.” Like that’s gonna deter Izaya from being annoying. “Hurry up, Shizu-chan. I’m getting lonely sat here on my own!” Yea? Well, try and mingle a bit you antisocial flea-bag! “Fine, fine just shut up and be patient!” On my way to the kitchen I bump into Kadota and his gang. “Hey, Shizuo, how you doing?” I see the look that the girl, Erika? Is giving me and it gives me the creeps. I’m still staring at her grinning face as I try to talk to Kadota. “Er hey, Kadota, yea i’m not too bad. This party is kinda packed isn’t it?” Kadota gives Erika a nudge to break the eye contact and she goes off into a huddle with Walker and they’re talking about some yaoi anime. What the hell they’re talking about, i’ll never know. Yaoi? What is that? ”Take no notice of them, Shizuo, get a drink and chill. I see Izaya’s here? You’re not gonna end up killing him are you?” I give Kadota a quick grin and a short but evil laugh but end up shaking my head. “Nar, i’m not here for him. I’m here for Celty. I’ve even got my Christmas jumper on that Kasuka bought me.”Haha, I love it, Shizuo. I wasn’t gonna mention it in case you got the wrong idea and you know? I do want to be alive on Christmas day.” Hmm, that’s the usual reaction I get. It makes me feel kinda crappy though. I’m not angry all the time am I? It’s just when the flea is in the area. I’m about to reach Shinra in the kitchen when there’s a crash and I don’t need to turn and look to know which corner it’s from. “Someone get a cloth, Izaya’s broken a glass and there’s wine everywhere and blood! Shinra, izaya needs you.” Damn, Erika, why don’t you panic some more? That’s exactly what he wants, to be the centre of attention. “Ahh, Shizu-chan! I cut myself!” What the hell, flea? Why me? I finally make it to the kitchen and Shinra gives me a sympathetic look. “Sorry, Shizuo, he’s been here a little while longer than the rest of the guests and he’s had a few to drink already. I must say though, i’m quite surprised that he’s not got his wits about him tonight knowing you’re coming.” I just nod and wave it off and I can still hear the ruckus coming from the other room. “It’s ok, Shinra and anyway, i’m not here for him i’m here for Celty.” Shinra pouts at me and I know what’s coming next. “Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you two? She treats you better than she treats me sometimes.” Hmm, that’s not fair, Shinra. I think i’ve been frowning at him because he backs away and suddenly there’s a bottle of beer in my face. “Here, have a beer, Shizuo, sorry about that. I know there’s nothing going on between you.” Celty, who’s been stood behind Shinra, smacks him about the head. “Sorry, Celty, my darling. I know you have eyes for nobody else but me. You know I get jealous.” Celty’s black mist calms again and I can see them looking into each others eyes, if that’s possible. Hmm, so this is love huh? “Sorry to interrupt you guys but hand me a cloth and i’ll try and clean up the mess that Izaya has apparently made.” Shinra smiles at me knowingly and I think he’s got us married and off on our honeymoon and it’s only me being a decent house guest and cleaning up the mess that some idiot who drank too much and should be going home, has made. As I come out of the kitchen again I get a quick glance of the private Izaya that he thinks nobody else sees. He’s off somewhere inside his head again but he must smell me or something because his head swings round towards me and he’s beaming at me with open arms and his hand is dripping blood all over the carpet! Yea, flea, like i’m really gonna hug you you idiot. He’s giving me a look now, like he’s reading my mind again. I guess my face says it all though doesn’t it? Ok, fine, just this once to make the drunken Flea happy. “Give me a minute, Izaya, I have to get through this crowded room first!” He’s like a persistent child, reaching out for their mother.

Suddenly, there’s a change in the music and my arm is being grabbed and i’m being swung round and i can see the disappointment on Izaya’s face as i’m being pulled to dance with someone. I turn to look back at who decided that Shizuo Heiwajima could dance to save his life and it’s a pretty drunk looking Erika. Hmm, well I guess I can humour her for a short burst. “Come and dance with me, Shizuo, I need to tell you about something.” Oh joy, i can feel the dread churning in the pit of my stomach. She thinks that Izaya and I should be a couple, I know that much from the bits of conversation i’ve picked up over the years. ”Go on, Erika. I’m sure it’s something i’m dying to hear.” I smile pleasantly enough though. I don’t wanna put a big downer on anyone’s party. “Shizu-chan, you and Izaya make the perfect couple. You’re like yin and yang, night and day!” Hmm, well i’m not sure about yin and yang but night and day? Yea, he’s the night with that stupid black coat he wears and his personality. Come to think of it, his mood does look black tonight and nobody else but me seems to have noticed. Is it just me seeing it? Maybe Shinra would see it too if he wasn’t so busy in the kitchen. “Shizu-chan, twirl me round!” I need to get out of here, i think that’s a twirl but Erika kinda flew off in the direction of Kadota. “Ahh, sorry Erika! My bad!”

Shit, I gotta go check on Izaya. He’s gone really quiet. I turn to look in the corner and he’s gone. Shit. I don’t know why but i’ve got this ache in my chest, like I know i’ve upset him and it hurts. I’m such an idiot though. I feel bad if I kill a housefly. Maybe that’s it? It’s just the same thing. I catch Shinra looking at me and shaking his head and I know that my previous thoughts on Izaya the housefly are wrong. I really have upset Izaya and i can feel a lecture from Shinra. “Shizuo, Izaya went in the direction of the bathroom.” Here it comes. “Will you go and check on him? Please, for me? Or better still for Celty! Here, take this first aid kit and patch him up too.” His grin is too much. “Fine! I’m going to look.”

I can hear someone in the bathroom, sounds like they’re chucking their guts up. Ha, i bet it’s Izaya, the idiot. Knock, knock! Izaya.” The throwing up continues and a small voice says something about going away and i’m through the door, oops. I really did go through the door and not open it first. After i’ve replaced the door in the hole I turn to see Izaya with his head down the toilet. I sigh heavily, this is a great party so far. I shake my head and drop to my knees beside him.”Shizu-chan, you ignored me all night!” He sounds so pathetic, i want to laugh but there’s this pain in my chest again which seems to be controlling my body movements too because i’m holding Izaya’s hair out of his eyes and rubbing his back and it feels so wrong! I don’t know what to say to Izaya. “I’m... sorry, Izaya. I just don’t seem to have had a moment to myself since i got here.” I can hear a sob mixed in with the retching. “You’re more popular than me, Shizu-chan and you know it!” Then there’s full-on tears and crying and shit, I don’t know what to do. This is so awkward. I never knew what to do when I saw someone cry. “Come on, Izaya, you know that’s not true. Snap out of it. You’re drunk and obviously you can’t handle your alcohol.” Izaya lifts his head out of the toilet for a moment and i get to see the vomit spattered face of the man I called my enemy for as long as I could remember and suddenly, i’m laughing. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s nerves or maybe I just realized how futile the chasing and tormenting have been all these years. All this from looking at Izaya’s vomit covered face and his face is crunching up again and he’s crying. Great, an emotional drunk. I move my hand slightly upwards and onto his shaking shoulder, I just want to see if it works and calms him down. It always did for Kasuka whenever he hurt himself and ended up crying. “Izaya? Please don’t cry. You’re gonna start me in a minute.” I chuckle. “Come on. I’m not laughing at you by the way. I’m just laughing at how ridiculous this whole situation is. You and me, sworn enemies, and i’m here holding your hair out of your face while you throw up down the toilet. You’ve gotta see the funny side.” The retching stops, I hope. Then i’m looking for something to wash his face with. Wash cloth, wash cloth, ahh there’s one. “Hold still, Izaya, while I wash your face.” I can see him staring at me, like i’ve broken all the rules because I showed him some care and concern. “What? Have I got something on my face, Izaya?” He shakes his head from side to side. It’s slightly exaggerated because of his drunkenness and I clamp both hands on his face to stop him. If he does that much longer even i’m gonna throw up. “You’re gonna make yourself sick if you keep shaking your head like that, ya silly flea.” My voice sounds so gentle, like a mother scolding a child but trying to teach them something at the same time. Maybe i am trying to teach him something. I haven’t the foggiest idea what it is yet. Before i know it, my thumbs are sweeping away the tears that keep falling from his puffy, red eyes. Damn, he really does look cute like this. Ahh! I quickly tear my hands away and stand up to wash the cloth i used on his face. “ Let me take a look at that cut for you. Shinra gave me a first aid kit. Then do you want me to take you home, Izaya?” I want to be a hundred miles away from here right now. This is all wrong. How could my own body go against me like this?! “You don’t need to take me home, Shizu-chan. I’m not some helpless young maiden, you know!” He looks so angry but behind it he’s willing me to argue with him and I just know that in the end he’ll cave and say that he’s fine with me walking him home. He’d take the long way round the houses instead of the most direct route and just say yes and i hate that about him. I think the wash cloth is wrung out enough now, it’s practically dry. Was I just imagining it was Izaya’s neck? Shit, no i wasn’t. What’s that snoring noise? I look down beside the toilet and I wish I had a camera but then that’s Izaya’s kinda thing. He’s fallen asleep leaning against the bowl and he looks so peaceful and innocent. I want to reach out and move the stray hair that’s fallen back into his eyes. Damn, what am i gonna do now that he’s fallen asleep. I better tell Shinra i’m leaving early to take the idiot home. Thinking about it, I don’t think i’ll make it to the kitchen again in less than ten minutes, i’ll call him from the bathroom. I ended up dressing his cuts and making a promise that i’d get Izaya home in one piece, I stood over the sleeping drunk. “How are we gonna do this, Izaya?” You’d be mortified if you knew i’d carried you all the way back to Shinjuku so i’m gonna do just that.

I honestly haven’t smiled so much in ages. He never even flinched when i picked him up and now i’m walking down the high street carrying Izaya Orihara in my arms like i’m about to step over the threshold of our new home as a married couple. To hell with those kind of thoughts though, that'll never happen. I think i’ve been around Erika too much tonight and it’s rubbed off on me. I can’t believe how light he is. I’ve been carrying him for over half an hour and he’s still no burden. I looked down at him to check he was ok and i find i’m being observed. No protest? “Are you ok, Izaya? You’re very quiet. Do you want me to put you down now?” His eyes widen slightly and he curls up closer to me, gripping onto my Christmas jumper. “No! I mean, i still feel a little dizzy.” Wow, i’ve seen dogs look like that after they’ve been caught rooting in the trash. “It’s ok, Izaya, no skin off my nose. You aren’t too heavy to carry anyway.” He looked affronted that i had called him lightweight. I can’t win. “Shizu-chan!” Here goes. “You know that with your monster strength you can carry someone as petit as me.” There it is. That smarmy grin that I see right through. He doesn’t realise that I know it’s a front and what he’s really saying is that he’s happy that i’m strong enough to carry him. “It’s ok, Izaya, it isn’t a problem and you’re welcome.” Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Hmm, smoke. I could do with one of those right now but both of my arms are otherwise engaged. He’s reading my face again, I can feel it. “Shizu-chan, if you want to smoke you can put me down you know.” I’m staring at him open mouthed. Just how does he do it? “I can read your body language, Shizu-chan. You’re an open book. When you get stressed you get this look about you right before you take one of those repulsive things out and light it.” I’m struck dumb. It takes all my strength to carry on without stopping and giving in to what he says but in the end i give up and lower his feet to the ground. Which pocket did I put them in? Please tell me i didn’t leave them at Shinra’s. I’ve patted all my pockets and they’re not there and as i swing round to look at Izaya he’s stood there holding my cigarettes and lighter aloft like the sweet child that he is. That damn cheeky mouth! If he keeps on doing this i’m gonna find it very hard not to pull him in along with the cigarettes and bite that smile and see what kind of noises he makes. Shit, i’m staring at him. I swipe the smokes and lighter and with shaky hands i light one up. “Ahh, that’s better.” You really don’t know what effect all of this is having on me, Izaya and I have no idea where it’s coming from because until tonight I hated you for always being there in the corner of my eye. The black flash in the edge of my vision that makes me want to lash out and grab you and...and what? Until tonight I thought I wanted to kill you. Now, i’m not so sure because I realise that i’ve been watching out for you as much as you’ve been following me. “Shizu-chan, I think i’m gonna faint.” Shit, really? “Can you at least let me finish my smoke, Izaya? Oh shit, i guess that’s a no.” There were at least three more drags on that cigarette but no, i’m stood here holding mister, I can walk just fine, while he throws up over his shoes. No forget that, it’s just my shoes! “You finished, Flea? Now my shoes are ruined!” If looks could kill, Izaya would have felled me years ago but right now I feel like i’m standing in front of a firing squad. Ouch! “Don’t look at me like that, Izaya! Who was it decided to get drunk in the first place? Erm, let’s see. That would be you, you idiot!” What the hell? We sound like an old married couple! Izaya being my wife?! Ahh! “Come on, it’s not far now. Oh you aren’t gonna pull this on me?” Izaya was firmly rooted to the spot, he has his head bowed, his hair covering his eyes and his skinny little flea arms are very firmly across his chest. Except, his shoulders are shaking again and I know i’ve gone and put my foot in it. Shit, i’ve seen married couples arguing like this. I know what the poor guy has to do next. I can feel my resolve crumbling, my arms are shaking and i’ve had just about all i can take for one night. Then he speaks and my heart melts because it sounds so pitiful. Damn you, Flea! “Shizu-chan, I want to go home. Please, will you take me home.” There it is, the thing that the guy does next after he’s just had an argument with his wife. Whether it’s his fault or not he always ends up taking her in his arms and kisses away the tears. I’m not sure i’m ready for that though. “Please!” Shit, ok i’m ready. I’m walking back towards him and wrapping my arms around him like it’s the most natural thing to do, like we always do this after an argument and bizarrely, it does feel like the most natural thing in the world. “Shizu-chan, i’m sorry to throw up on your shoes.” Sighing, I kiss the top of his head which stalls me for a moment then I turn my head to look at how far we have to go. “It’s ok, Izaya. Want me to carry you the rest of the way, it isn’t far now.” He nods against me so i slip my arm underneath him and lift, so light. He insisted I continue to carry him in the lift on the way up and right up to his bed. I probably would have done that anyway. “I guess I should get going now, Izaya. Are you gonna be ok?”

Things feel really awkward now for some reason. It’s like we went past the whole, would you like to come in for coffee, thing and now i’m stood in his bedroom and it isn’t helping me to keep those images out of my mind. The smart mouth and the mischievous eyes. There’s no sign of that now though. He’s lying there staring up at me with his hair scattered all around his pillow and his mouth slightly parted. His chest is rising and falling quite quickly. Shit, I can’t stop staring. My fingers are gripping and flexing and I want that mouth so badly. It hurts. It actually hurts. “Shizu-chan, will you stay with me until I go to sleep?” There, my resolve cracked and it’s turned into powder on the floor. “Ah, yea, of course i’ll stay. Just give me a minute and i’ll get you some water. It’ll help with your hangover.” I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I’m in his kitchen looking for a glass in one of the many cupboards. Ah, gotcha! He sure has a lot of glasses for someone who lives alone. I run the tap for a bit to make sure it’s cool and there’s a thump from the direction of his room. “Izaya? Is that you?” Who am I kidding? Of course it’s him. He’s only there to make my life as complicated as possible. It hits me that it doesn’t matter whether we’re enemies or friends, he’ll always be a pain in my butt.”What am i gonna do with you Izaya?” I say on my way back up the stars. As I open the door i see the reason for the bump. He’s sprawled out on the floor having fallen out of bed. I place the water on his bedside table and kneel down to pick him up.”Come on, let’s get you back into bed.” Oh great, tell me that warm wet feeling isn’t what i think it is. Seriously, Flea? You’re so drunk you pissed yourself? “Erm, Izaya, you need to get your clothes off.” He wakes up and looks at me with that smirk. “How forward of you, Shizu-chan and we’ve not even dated yet.” But then that smile drops and I know where things are going next. “ I fell over. I was trying to go to the bathroom. I didn’t make it did i?” Hmm, no you didn’t. “No but don’t worry we can get you out of these clothes and into some others.” I start to panic a little inside, i’ve never undressed anyone other than me. There’s no chance he’d be able to get himself undressed so I take a few deep breaths and launch myself at the job. “Shizuo? Why? Why have you done all this for me tonight?” Wow, he called me by my given name. Im struggling with buttons and zips and even i’m not sure why I did this so how can i put it into words that Izaya will accept? “To be honest with you, Izaya, I came to the party tonight feeling pissed at you because you’re always there in the corner of my eye. Everywhere I go, you’re there. I even thought of a new name for you. The black flash, after that ridiculous coat you wear.” Ignoring the look he was giving me because i was talking about his precious coat, I continued as I struggled with the octopus arms and legs.”Then I walked into the room and saw you before you realised I was there and you looked so lonely and lost. You’ve been mouthy and idiotic all night but you know, I can read body language too. You spout all this shit at me but really underneath it all you’re as lonely as I am and forget trying to deny it.” Well, that was a long time coming. I think I did well tonight not blowing up and breaking everything, apart from the bathroom door. Izaya’s staring up at me. His eyes are angry but his mouth is sad, that’s the only way I can think of describing it. “How can you be lonely with all the friends you have?” Oh not this again.”I don’t think it matters how many friends I do or don’t have, Izaya. Maybe you don’t realise how many friends you have too. People who really care about you. Shinra really worries about you, you know? I do too.” Shit, i can’t look at him now. Maybe he didn’t hear that bit on the end. “You? You care about me?” Izaya’s laughing hysterically and i’m still sat on the floor at his side like i’m about to change an adult nappy. “Are you gonna give me a hand getting you undressed or am i gonna strip you?!” That sounded a lot more sexual than i’d planned. At least it stopped the laughter.”Fine, i’ll help you, Shizu-chan, just give me a sec.” He’s fumbling with the button on his pants but it frustrates the hell out of me just watching so in my attempt to help him i’ve ended up ripping his pants off. Shit. “Sorry, Izaya, i’ll buy you some new ones.” He’s looking at me funny now. “You tore my pants off.” He’s staring up at me with that lost look again. I can feel the temperature in the room rising, along with something else. I need to get out of here. “You should shower, Izaya. Do you think you can do it by yourself?” No, i guess not. Shit, do I really have to be thrown under the wheels of this car? “Fine, i’ll help you undress and shower.” I think, on reflection, i would have had an easier time showering an octopus. If he doesn’t remember anything in the morning i’ll be happy but after he asked me to make sure i’d washed ‘everywhere’ I wanted to jump out the window. He’s really pushing me and he knows what he’s doing even though he’s drunk. Your deepest desires come out when you’re drunk which is why i stay sober, well, one of the reasons and I will never take advantage of someone who is drunk no matter how far he tries to push me. I’d got him dressed in his pyjamas and tucked up like the cute little kid he looks like on the surface. He insists I sit and hold his hand until he falls asleep, for God’s sake! When he does finally fall asleep, I took a blanket from his wardrobe and fell on to his couch in the living room to sleep. So here I am. Lying on the couch of the last person i expected to be with at Christmas and i’m staring at the ceiling wondering how everything turned on its head so fast. This morning I was sat in the park talking to Celty about how much I hate him but here I am caring for him, like he means something to me? Maybe it’s the time of year. The time to be charitable and think about your fellow man. Maybe I always cared about him and i’ve been in denial all these years. What’s his excuse for being the way he is though? “Shizu-chan! I need you!” Yea, as I was saying to myself, what’s his excuse for being this way? Shouldn’t he be sobering up now? ”I’ll be there in a second, Flea!” Make that half a second, I can hear him moving about up there and nothing good can come of it. In three giant strides i’m up the stairs and into his room, is there no rest for the wicked? Maybe that’s it. I was wicked in a former life to Izaya and now i’m paying the price. “Shizu-chan I feel sick again!” He’s stood in front of me with his hand over his mouth and he does look a bit grey. “Come on, Flea, give me your hand.” Who’s leading who here? I feel like this is some clever plot to make me fall for him. I’m leading him to the bathroom and he’s leading me into a very small door leading into his heart and he’s locking it after me. I’m stuck in there and i know there’s no escape, I don’t think I want to escape.

When morning finally arrives, i’m rudely awoken by the face of a woman leaning so close to me that i swear i can see every pore. “Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?!” Is my reaction which is better than the first reaction that ran through my mind which was to grab her and throw her. “I’m Izaya’s secretary, didn’t he tell you, Shizuo Heiwajima?” She’s so haughty, shit! I really want to wipe that haughty grin right off her face. How does he put up with that? Maybe he has something on her, haha! Oh she’s gonna talk again.“I guess he didn’t tell you about me. So, what’s wrong? Did you two have an argument and you ended up on the couch?” My eyebrow is twitching and I can’t stop it. I really hope she finds something else to do in the next thirty seconds because I won’t be responsible for what i do if she gets smart again with that smirking mouth. Thankfully, as if he’s been listening to the conversation and awaiting the outcome, Izaya sweeps down the stairs and into the living room like history wasn’t made between us last night. Maybe he’s doing it to keep up appearances from the dragon over there, which is what i’d do. ”Sleep well, Izaya?” He’s seen that i’m trying to protect his reputation. That’s my izaya. He’s not my Izaya, just the Izaya that i’ve come to know and now i’m thinking too much. There’s that smile but this time it seems a little different than his usual smarmy, shit I want to fuck you up, grin.”Thank you, Shizu-chan, I slept very well. How about you? Was the couch comfortable? I’m sorry that you have to leave so soon but Namie and I have work to do. Thank you for your assistance last night. Goodbye.” That door to his heart that he locked me into? It’s torn right open and i’m about to exit. After everything we went through last night. All that i did for him. How could I have fallen for it? I’m trembling now and I can’t tear my eyes off him. Yes, that’s right, Izaya, you hurt me and you know it. Just as i’m about to slam the door to his heart shut and tear into him, I see a glint of something in his eyes. Is it just me that sees it like all the other times? It’s fear! I know that look. I’ve seen it a thousand times on a thousand faces. He’s giving me the brush off because he remembers what happened last night and it scared the hell out of him as much as it did me. Well, Izaya Orihara, you aren’t getting off that lightly. I’m not running out of here with my tail between my legs as you’d expect. Let’s play a game. “Well, I couldn’t let you walk home drunk, could I? I was just doing my civic duty. As for what else happened?” Ah, that got his attention. I don’t think i’ve ever seen his flea-like eyes look so big. Oh, there’s that look again, the one that says he’s either about to cry or shout. “Shizu-chan was very kind to step in and help out.” Meanwhile, Namie is listening intently to the back and forth and the mechanisms in her brain are grinding away. “Izaya, did you get drunk last night? Not that it’s any of my business as long as I get paid for the work I do for you. Why on earth would you let this man bring you home? I thought he was your sworn enemy.“ Hmm, good point, Namie. Why did you want so much of my attention last night, Izaya. I’m staring at him as i wait for his answer but he’s staring at Namie whilst looking at me out the corner of his eye and it’s slightly unnerving.”Namie, I think i’ll postpone my work for today. You can leave for now and don’t worry, i’ll pay you for the whole day.” Wow she doesn’t wait around, she’s swung her bag back onto her shoulder and she’s off. “I could have been doing other important things with my time today, Izaya. Next time give me some notice.” Izaya’s looking back at her now and I can see the smarm rising. “Oh, what other important things could you possibly want to do with your day, Namie? Ah yes, I know. Chasing your brother around until he gives in to your desires and sleeps with you?” The door slams and she’s gone. Wow, just what kind of person sleeps with their brother? Eww. Then he turns to me and the smarm is gone, replaced by wide-eyed rage. This should be good. “What the hell, Shizuo!” Wow, so I get my proper name when he’s angry. “Don’t worry, Izaya, I’m not like you. I don’t take pleasure in spilling other people’s secrets. Did you think i was going to tell her you pissed yourself?! Then you know me less than you think you do! What the fuck was last night all about, Izaya!? Huh!? Was it all a game?!” Now my heart’s hammering so hard i feel like it’s climbing up and out of my throat. “I’m waiting, Izayaaa!” This really hurts. I need to get out before i say something I regret later. Silently, I gather my things. All the while i’m aware of his eyes on me and his face? That’s a picture I could put on my dart board! He still hasn’t lost the wide-eyed angry look but its flickering between that and sadness. He doesn’t realise that I live on my instincts. He may call me a monster all he likes because i think i am in some ways. I sense his presence wherever he is, I see him when he thinks he’s hidden himself from me and I read the faces he makes when he thinks he has pulled enough masks on over the top of. Who’s the real obsessive here? It’s not just him, it’s both of us. I knew I wasn’t dateable material, not even to him. I reach the door and look back. He’s not moved and inch, just staring at the floor. I see tears on the edge of his eyes and i know that he won’t want me to go over to him because they’ll end up falling and he’ll feel even less like a man. What would I do if I did go over there? I know what I want to do but he’s sober now and everything’s changed. Yea, I guess I care that much that i’d spare him the embarrassment of crying in front of his enemy because that’s what we’re back to this morning. Even if he called out to me as I was leaving the door, I don’t think I could go back. I didn’t realise it would hurt so much that even I want to cry and i’m certainly not gonna let him see that he’s got to me. It’ll keep until I get behind closed doors. “Wait!” Too late, Izaya.

Behind the closed doors of my apartment, I flopped down onto my couch. It’s a bit more beat up than Izaya’s and it’s not as long but i’ve slept here many times when i’ve had a shitty day and I can’t be bothered to drag myself to my bed. I must have only got an hours sleep looking after the shitty little flea. Why did he say wait?! Why did i turn and run? What would have happened if i’d gone back? All the thinking must have got to me because one moment i was staring at the cracks in my living room ceiling, the next moment i’m waking up to a hammering on my door. “Go away!” I’m not in the mood to entertain anyone and only Tom comes to my place usually. He’s the only person apart from Celty who understands me. He was at the party last night and I never even got to talk to him. That attention grabbing little. Izaya took up all of my attention. Him and that Erica girl. I think between them both they have some sort of evil plans for me. The knocking isn’t stopping and there are no voices. Could be Celty, I guess. “Ok, give me a moment.” Shit, I just want to sleep. I stumble over and open the door. “Izaya? What do you want! I thought you’d finished playing with me this morning!” I didn’t want to say that. Why’s he stood there staring at the floor with his hood up? Hangover? I wouldn’t be surprised the amount he put away last night...ahh! “Izaya? What’s wrong with you?” He’s lost it, finally. Either that or he came all the way just to hug me. Why is he hugging me? “Are you thick, Shizu-chan?” There’s that small, almost pitiful voice again but i think he’s sober. “Are you drunk again, Flea?” Maybe I want to hug him back but if I do it’ll all come crashing down on me again. “Can I come in, Shizuo?” Hang on while I hug you back and somehow i’ll wake up and it’ll all have been a dream because the Izaya I know would never come round to my place to say sorry. Nothing’s happening, apart from Izaya shaking.”You better come in if you’re cold.”

He walks in and sits down on my couch like he’s been here before, he probably has. He’s still got his hood up and i’m curious. “Do you want a drink? I have some tea somewhere, i think.” I’ll take the nod as a yes. I really want to remove his hood now to see what’s underneath. Maybe he’s had his hair cut in a mad post drunken haze. Maybe someone finally decked the little shit. I walk back into the living room with the tea and place his in front of him whilst trying to get a look at his face but he just turns it away. “Can I take your coat, Izaya? Are you gonna hide behind your hood forever or are you gonna be honest with me and show me how much you’ve been crying?” Ahh, there’s the sharp intake of breath. I was right. I put my drink down and sit beside him facing him. His hands are shaking so much his drink’s spilling. “Give me your cup, Izaya. What am I gonna do with you? Huh?” After placing his cup down on the coffee table I decided to be brave and see what’s behind the hood. So far i’ve got as far as touching the stupid fluffy bit on the edge. About five seconds later i’ve revealed the secret behind the hood and it isn’t pretty. I know his eyes are a reddish colour, i’ve looked into them often enough but with the added redness around the edges and his red nose he looks like he’s got the worst kind of hayfever and i just know i’m the worst kind of flower that caused it. Probably a thorny one, like a rose. He’s frozen like a rabbit in the headlights of a car. I don’t think i’ve ever been this close to him while we were both in our right minds. I realise i’ve still got hold of his hood and slowly release it and trail my hands upwards to either side of his face and turn it towards me. “What’s wrong with us, Izaya? Look at me. What on Earth could you possibly see in me? I’m nobody special, i’m a freak of nature.” I can feel my voice breaking up now. My throat getting tight. I may be the strongest man in Ikebukuro but I can’t stop emotions from happening. As I drop my hands from his face, he grabs at my wrists. “Don’t let go! Please?!” He’s falling sideways into my chest now and all i can do is hold him. All I can do? It’s what i’ve wanted to do forever. The sniffling and shaking start over and I realize that it’s not just him. “Shit, Izaya, do you know how many times i’ve come back here and done this but on my own?” I wonder if you ever did the same thing. As if in reply, he leans back and looks up at me. “You think you’re the only one who thinks they’re unlovable, Shizuo? The only one who thinks they’re a monster?” I’m staring into his eyes again. They’re so beautiful when he’s been crying. I don’t know what it is about them. “I’ll get you something to clean up your face.” I’m rushing off again but his hands are clamped around my wrists. “Stop running away from me, Shizuo!” Shit, i’m in trouble now. He’s used my proper name.”Why are you so afraid?” I have no answer. I’m shaking my head and i can feel tears running down my own face. They weren’t there before. What the hell!

As i’m trying to avoid eye contact i feel his hands on my face, they’re so cool. It shocks me, at first and then i’m being steered to look at him. It’s the reverse of what i did to him before and he’s suddenly got more courage than i do. Where did that come from? If this is all a game again, I swear i’ll leave town. “I’m here to say i’m sorry and i’m not messing with your head.” That got my attention. I’m looking right into his eyes to see if he means it but I can’t fathom the emotions that I see there because his eyes are too close and now our lips are touching. So soft, gentle. He sweeps his lips over mine and it feels so feather light that I can’t help but groan. “Dammit, Izaya, look what you do to me” I can’t defend myself against this. My hands are reaching out to grab his coat and pull him closer until gravity takes us both and he’s hovering above me now and he's saying my name as if its the last word he'll ever say. “Shizuo.”

Izaya, Izaya, Izaya! “Izaya! Izaya! Take me to bed!” Shit, i was thinking out loud again! He’s not shocked though. He’s not run away. He’s...kissing me. Mmm, that smart mouth is finally on mine and I want to bite it. In fact, I think I will. “Ahh, Shizu-chan, you bit me!” His eyes are smiling, i’ve never seen them looking so beautiful as they are now. So full of...desire? Is that for me? “You want _me_ to take _you_ to bed?” I can only send a small signal at this moment, just a small nod of my head. I hope he gets it. He must have, he’s leading me to my bedroom. I don’t care how he knows where it is. “Izaya? I...I never…” His lips are on mine again, silencing me. “Hush now, Shizu-chan.” His words are like soft summer breezes, no matter how corny that sounds. I feel calm and totally at ease in his hands. He’s still got that look in his eyes that says he’s thinking ten steps ahead of me and it’s both frightening and exciting at the same time.

The steps to my room never took so long before and i think I floated all the way there. Is this really happening? The door opens and i’m being coaxed inside. I’ve not taken my eyes off his for a moment. How does he do it? Walking backwards. I feel more afraid than I have done, ever. This is kill or cure. It could change everything and ...while i’m off in my head, he’s unbuttoning my shirt and he’s pushing me and i’m falling. I’m letting it happen. His voice is right next to my ear now, sending tingles all over me to awaken places in a southerly direction. “Shizuo, I want to make you shout my name so that everyone in Ikebukuro knows that Izaya Orihara is fucking you.” Shit, i’m so hard. The power of his words is making me lose myself. “Izaya, please…” He’s over the top of me and his eyes are the colour of lust, his mouth asks me to bite it and his erection is rubbing against mine and I want to scream. “Please, kiss me Izaya. Oh fuck.” Shit, how did this happen so quickly? I’m losing my mind. Ahh, he’s kissing my neck and i can feel each kiss spreading like fire in my veins. I want that smart mouth of his on my dick. I watch as he trails kisses down my chest and i can’t control my breathing now, it’s too fast. I can’t speak. “Izaya…” My voice is a breath. He looks up into my eyes with a smirk and he’s off again kissing me in slow motion. Ah! My trousers. “Mm, Izaya, hurry.” Shit, I don’t know how long i’m gonna last, this is too much. I can’t control myself.

As if he’s inside my head, he’s stopped. My belt is undone and so are my trousers but he’s looking at me, like all the times i’ve chased him through Ikebukuro and he’s just too far out of my reach. ”Want me to go on?”. I think i nodded a little too eagerly. I can see the grin on his face and it’s driving me wild. I can’t keep still, i’m pushing up against nothing because i’m so hard i need release. “Patience, Shizu-chan.” Damn that sexy voice. “I’m about to give you what you want, Shizuo Heiwajima.” Ahh that’s done it. Hearing my name dripping from those lips and i need him inside me, never mind the foreplay! “Izaya, please. I need you inside me.” i watch as he slips my trousers down with my underwear and fuck, I don’t think i’ve ever been so hard and if i’m dreaming now it’s a cruel world we live in. “Ahh, mmm, Izaya. Oh shit, fuck!” No, i’m not dreaming. He really does have his mouth around my dick and ahh he’s so good at this. It’s all i imagined it was going to be and better. How do I tell him he’s my first? Shit, his head will swell so much he won’t be able to get through doors. “Ahh, Izaya! I don’t think…” He’s not going to stop until my dick is right down his throat, is he? Oh what a sight, shit, i’m done! “Izaya! I’m gonna cum!” Shit his hands are everywhere.

I can’t bear to look any more then there’s a pop as he releases me from his mouth and there’s cool air hitting me. “Ok, Shizu-chan, i think i’ll tease you a little. I’m gonna undress for you then i’m gonna fuck you into the bed like the bad, bad monster than you are.” If i didn’t know he meant that in a playful way i’d have kicked him back to Shinjuku but the way he says it, feels like it’s added an inch onto my dick. That smart mouth of his is gonna be the death of me. I pull myself up so i’m propped up on my pillows. This is a show i don’t want to miss. I hurriedly strip the rest of my clothes off and throw them goodness knows where. Strangely, I don’t feel embarrassed being totally naked in front of Izaya...and he’s sliding his coat down his shoulders and i can’t help but think of the strippers i’ve seen in some of the dodgy places i’ve had to collect debts from. Shit, he’s a natural. Almost feminine in the way he’s rolling his shoulders and throwing his head back. The coat sides down his arms and falls silently to the floor. I’m subconsciously reaching out and touching myself, I can’t help it. “Don’t get too excited now, Shizu-chan, i want you to hold on a little longer.” Ahh, so painful. I feel like i’m gonna explode. I feel a growl rumble up my throat as he teases me by lifting his shirt to expose his midriff. I want to lick his body, every inch of it. Please let me see more. Damn, how can he read my mind so well? He’s managed to make me squirm from just watching him dragging his shirt up a little higher each time he swings his hips. Fuck, Izaya, if I knew you’d be this fucking hot i’d have stopped chasing you years ago and gift wrapped myself! Ahh, i see his nipples! “Izaya, I want to touch you.” Fuck, that smirk again. “All, in, good, time, Shizu-chan.” Then his shirt if flying off to the side and he’s starting on the good part, his trousers. I can see by the bulge at the front that he’s enjoying this as much as I am. Am I dreaming? “Do you want to help me with my trousers, Shizuo?” Ahh, yea i do. I’m on my knees in front of him in an instant and I can’t resist latching onto one of those perky nipples, they begged me to taste them. I had to and it was worth it to hear the moans coming from that dirty flea mouth right now. My hands are shaking so much, i’m having trouble undoing his trousers. How did i do this before when he was drunk and not get affected like this? Ahh, his skin is so soft as i’m exploring every inch that i can. “Izaya, you’re so beautiful. I can’t keep my hands off you.” He’s started to thrust his hips into me now as our bodies are pressed together and the sensation is mindblowing. His trousers are undone and no longer an obstacle but i feel almost afraid to touch him. I move up to look at his face, so pretty? Should I think like that? Fuck it, he’s gorgeous. “Touch me, Shizuo. I know you want to.” I drag my fingers slowly down his body, his muscles tense as i trail over each one and then i’m at his waist band and there’s no ceremony, I yank them down without a second thought and Izaya’s eyes are wide and his dick is springing free and it’s twitching against the palm of my hand and I so want to make him cum but i also want him to make good on his promise to make me shout his name for all to hear. Right now, i’d do that without needing him inside him. That’d be the added bonus. I give his hot hard dick a couple of slow, teasing, strokes and watch his face contort into an almost pained response to my touch. “Hmmm, Shizuo, keep going. Feels so good.” He’s leaning on my shoulders now, panting in my face and I see those slightly parted lips and lunge forwards licking and biting and feeling the vibrations of his moans as i pump his dick. “Hmm, as much as i’d love to cum right here and now, I really want to be inside you, Shizu-chan. Do you have any lube?” Shit, bedside table, top draw. I’m scrambling round and finally hit what i've been looking for. My heart’s hammering away in my chest again for some reason.

Izaya knows how i feel, he must do because he’s kneeling above me on the bed and he’s gently lowering me down until we’re staring at each others faces again. “Open your legs a little, Shizu-chan, so that i can make things a little more comfortable when i enter you.” Shit, i think i’m blushing. “You look so cute, Shizu-chan, blushing like a virgin. You are a virgin aren’t you? Don’t worry, i'll be gentle.” Shit his voice is so calming. I didn’t think it was possible to be this calm from just listening to someone's voice. I close my eyes and I feel a cool sensation as his finger slides inside me and it’s not painful, how could it be? This is Izaya, I trust him. Odd thought. He’s hovering above me, then he's adding another finger and smothering my mouth with his as i feel the extra intrusion. “Mmm, Izaya, feels so good.” i can’t help but vocalise. “Shizu-chan is very relaxed, I think we can finally take this to the next level.” I must have look petrified, i know i felt it. He kisses me gently and strokes my face reassuringly and i feel him pushing up against me. “ Izaya, just put it in! I want you, izaya! Just look at me.” izaya has that delighted expression on his face, like he’s won the lottery. He has. So have I. I can feel him slipping inside me and mentally, it's so much to take in. I feel my own dick twitching in response and i can’t help but feel like it’s gonna be over too quickly. He’s got me on a string though. He’s fucking me slowly, just the head of his dick inside me and then suddenly the rest is filling me and i feel my mouth open wide, an invisible scream falling from my lips until they’re covered by his again. Shit, he moves so gracefully. I want him deep inside me, i move up with his downwards movements and he’s hit the spot inside that really does make me scream and it's his name, just like he promised it would be. “Ahh, Izaya! Deeper. You have to go deeper, please. Fuck me harder, Izaya!” Not even a nanosecond passes and he’s doing everything in his power to make the most lewd words spill from my mouth. His withdrawals are long and drawn out but fast and hard on his way back inside me and I know i'm near my breaking point. “Izaya, i’m gonna cum. Please i want to hold you close to me when i do.” There’s a glistening in his eyes after i say that. I hope they're happy tears. I kiss him and pull him against me, wrapping my legs around him to feel him as deeply as i can inside and I feel it build. His movements suddenly change and become erratic, like a dance, his body undulates and watching him is a privilege. “Shit, Izaya, Izaya! Izaya! Ahh!…” Im cumming and it’s both blinding and electric and it's hitting my own face. Izaya's face looks angelic, as he feels my insides massaging him. His mouth is hanging open, his eyelashes brush against his rosy cheeks as his eyes close then open wide just before he cums and it’s my own private show that only he could put on and just as if he’s a puppet that's had its strings cut he’s flopping against me, totally spent and dare i say it, the most beautiful human i've ever seen. As the thought enters my head i decide to tell him. “Izaya? You know, you’re the most beautiful human i’ve ever seen, like this.” I'm stroking his back and he’s humming into my chest. “You were my first, so i know i have no other experience to go on and i’m not good with words.” I feel a hand cover my mouth. “Shut, up, Shizu-chan. Stop berating yourself. You were my first, also and we were beautiful humans together.” That smile. I want to bite it.


End file.
